Tea Time With Jesse

Six of One, Half Dozen the Other

An Immediate Update to Phrases I Like

Posted by middlerage on July 24, 2011

Dr. Tea is back in da howssss, after a blissful week at the beach. In the meantime, my readers have rocked and supplied all sorts of new updates to my Phrases I Like category.

First off, Anonynurse and Niewguyski contributed enough ideas for Tavern names, that I am inspired to add a whole new cubbyhole to the category. Anonynurse contibutes the name “Revolve Tavern” and the more I chew on it, the more I like it, and all its multi-layered-nougaty goodness. Niewguyski’s contribution is peanuty awesome and I can’t help but to block quote ‘im ‘ere:

Taverns have open-beam ceilings, not that you can see the beams, because it’s too dim; but there’s soot on them beams, from the tapers (if not torches) that originally lit the place — which were in turn replaced with lanterns or gas-lamps. Taverns have stone-work, dark corners, secluded booths, and one-eyed publicans with cauliflower ears. Taverns need ominous, or even foreboding names, like “The Mangy Cur,” or “The Tolling Bell,” or “The Listing Lighthouse,” or “The Brooding Raven.”

Ha! Every one of those has me laughingly admiring and admiringly laughing. To be sure, his taverns are more the place to hire cutthroats and scallywags, while I am after a more light and airy place for hosting elite political conversations, poetry readings, and revolution plotting. Maybe I’ll just have to have two joints – so I can own The Mangy Cur.

Meanwhile Anonynurse stepped up to the mission of T-Shirt slogans with:

Just Because I’m a Dentist, I’m Not Thinking About How to Fix Your Awful Gap-Tooth Smile (- although on this one I disagree – I just bet a dentist can’t help but think about the fix); Just Because I’m a Teacher, It Doesn’t Mean I’m Wondering whether You’re Mentally Challenged; Just Because I’m Short, It Doesn’t Mean I Look Up To You; Just Because I Forgot What I Was Doing, It Doesn’t Mean I Want Your Help; and (MY PERSONAL FAVORITE – middlerage) – Just Because You Thought It was Funny, It Doesn’t Make It Funny

Finally, the muddledrambler contributes a fine phrase for the hot heat (as I write this, it is 102°F, and the A/C is broke. Never fear, a service man is on his way to take my money, and allow me to breathe):

It’s hotter ‘n two rats fucking in a wool sock.

Yeesh! Hot and muggy is the way that sounds.

Update. Two hours later: The A/C guy has come and gone. Five minutes to replace a capacitor and a $250 charge. Weeze all in dah wrong bidnis.

The continuing Roster of Phrases I like:

  • Truth is stranger than fiction
  • Peace through superior firepower
  • Shut your freakin’ piehole
  • Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
  • Expect the worst, hope for the best
  • He’s so big he must go bear huntin’ with a switch
  • As big as your head
  • Better than a sharp poke in the eye
  • Piss or get off the pot
  • Tear him/her a new asshole
  • Put some mustard on it
  • Now you’re shittin’ in tall cotton
  • Raining to beat the band
  • Back-handed compliment (Damning with faint praise)
  • Hotter than a two dollar pistol
  • Brown as a berry

Contributions from readers and the Phrases They like:

  • Hottern’ two rats fucking in a wool sock (from the muddledrambler)
  • Gird your loins (from Mark C.)
  • Put your best foot forward (from Mark C, who actually dislikes this phrase, haha)
  • Grinnin’ like a fox eatin’ shit from a wire brush (from Mark L.)
  • This is a fine kettle of fish (from anonynurse)
  • Chile so hot it burns twice (from Fatman)

There oughta be a T-shirt:

  • Just because you thought it was funny doesn’t mean it is
  • Just because I’m short, doesn’t mean I look up to you
  • Just because I forgot what I’m doing, doesn’t mean I want your help
  • Just because I’m vegetarian, doesn’t mean I’m judging you

Phrases I don’t necessarily like, but find useful:

  • It ain’t the heat, it’s the humidity
  • No Such Thing As a Free Lunch
  • Once Bitten Twice Shy

Possible Tavern Names:

  • Revolve
  • The Mangy Cur
  • The Tolling Bell
  • The Brooding Raven
  • The Listing Lighthouse

One Response to “An Immediate Update to Phrases I Like”

  1. Mark C said

    In the oughta be a t-shirt category…

    I’m so sick of arguing on various message boards with AGW denialists that I’d like to have a t-shirt that sez…
    “Global Warming: Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it ain’t happenin'”

    (not saying that I even begin to understand the complexity of the global climate system, just more of a reaction to the vast ignorance present in message-board-land)

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