Tea Time With Jesse

Six of One, Half Dozen the Other

Archive for the ‘cookies’ Category

posts about how life is grand

I Wanna New Drug

Posted by middlerage on May 21, 2014

The thing about our big sapiens brain is that it likes to feel woozy. Since time immemorial we’ve been inventing things to take us on a magic carpet ride to see Lucy’s sky diamonds. It comes with the territory. It’s part of the equation: consciousness = gettin fucked up.

But i’ve been thinkin… why are we so limiting in the experience. I wanna feel something different. I wanna feel weird in a different organ.

For instance, the stomach.

In Eastern cultures the belly plays a huge philosophical role. Zen or Siddhartha or somebody was always spouting off about the belly. Think about the last time you took a shot of straight vodka, and before the buzz kicked in – how did your belly feel? Wasn’t there a wonderful, warm sense of radiation emanating from your middle?

I’d definitely pay for a drug that had nothing to do with fucking up my brain, but only worked on my belly. Imagine sitting on your sunny deck right now, and you’ve popped a couple of “belly pills” and this awesome sense of tingly well-being was enveloping your guts.

Wouldn’t that be cool?

Or how about a drug that only worked on the bottoms of your feet? Can you imagine warm tingling setting your soles on fire? Like getting a foot massage from a hundred cat tongues?

I’d buy that.

Glaxo Pfizer Zeneca get crackin’! We’ll only have a two year window before the DEA frowns on our happy belly and throws us in the hoosegow with violent offenders who smoke nutmeg for a brain buzz – sheesh, that mind altering stuff is so yesterday.

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Oh. My. God. The Gastronomy Version

Posted by middlerage on January 4, 2013

For some unfathomable reason, it seems two of my fellow bloggers – Harlean Carpenter, and the Muddled Rambler – felt I was deserving of having a surprise package of awesomeness appear on my doorstep today.

After an initial, “Huh? What’s this?” I sliced off the tape to reveal not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE holiday goodies of the homemade variety.

mmmmmrfff.snrffle.chomp.chomp.mgggmmm     smack!

Anyhoo… Jesus is the reason for the season, but JESUS, this stuff is good. Two of the five are chocolate candies good enough to be “store-bought.” (In today’s age everything is all about the ‘home-style goodness’, ‘just like mom used to make’, but remember when ‘store bought’ was the bees knees? – okay, maybe it’s an Appalachian thing, anyway… ) The casing, texture, solidity, firmness and uniformity are amazing. Who made this candy??? Harlean, that’s who.


Geez, buy a girl a new kitchen and she’ll go to town. It’s a wonder the Muddled Rambler doesn’t weigh 400lbs. There’s also eggnog cookies that taste JUST LIKE eggnog, and have the most amazing inner delicacy wrapped in the thinnest crispiness, it’s practically Japanese in their execution.

Meticulously packed next to the eggnog crisps are the richest, smoothest gingerbread cookies, dipped in cream cheese icing. AMAZING.

slaver.slaver.mmmmmm.ggggggg.chomp.chomp   slurp!

If this is how the new year is going to begin, man it’s my lucky year! Thumbs up from the whole family.

Completely unexpected. Wish you were here to share.

File under I Know People!

and cookies!

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My 200th Post! – Have Some Fuckin Tea!

Posted by middlerage on March 30, 2011

Here at Tea Time With Jesse it’s time to celebrate! Diarrhea of the brain has managed to poop out 200 posts of insightful, life-changing, invaluable, groundbreaking, even-tempered, and humble observations. So you know it is time for a steamy cup of nature’s Xanax.

For your party entertainment I give you this cookie to enjoy with the highbrow pleasure of the tea. Click the pic for sappy video sentiment. Hat tip: the naked strawberry.

Posted in cookies | 3 Comments »

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