Marie Claire Has Grasp of the Obvious

Subtitle: You can’t give advice until you “get it”

There’s been quite the dust-up (in the lite-news-o-sphere; comment-o-sphere; and blog-o-sphere) over a Marie Claire blogger who dissed obese people everywhere, with an insensitive post about a new sitcom called Mike and Molly. In case you don’t know…Marie Claire is a women’s magazine, and Mike and Molly is a CBS sitcom based on the romance of two size-challenged protagonists.

The stupidity of the blogger’s words and bigotry against overweight people has been more than adequately addressed elsewhere. In fact, the overwhelming response led to a retraction (of sorts) and an update to the post saying the usual blather – “I didn’t intend to offend”, “I’m really not a bully”, blah blah blah.

The unfortunate blog post is here (until Marie Claire gets so embarrassed they take it down).

Since, as I said, the bigotry is “pwned” in other places on the web, I am going to focus on an aside the blogger wrote. Halfway through her diatribe against fat people being romantic, she paused to give this advice:

(I’m happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it’s cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you’re getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more. I admit that there’s plenty that makes slimming down tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you’ll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A nutritionist or personal trainer will help — and if you can’t afford one, visit your local YMCA for some advice.)

Oh! [slaps forehead] exercise, fresh food – why didn’t I think of that?!?!? Geez, all this time I thought it was sitting and eating candy bars that would make me lose weight. Boy am I ever glad I read these tips. How can I ever thank you?

Effin A.

To live in a world so uncognizant, so ignorant, so dreamlike, that you a) think that obese people are less informed than you about nutrition and health [Earth to Mars – obese people nearly hold doctorates in this stuff, because they live it every day. They fight the fight every single day.] and b) to think that the only thing standing between fatness and a life of slim, heathful, good feelings is TIMELY-fuckin-TIPS FROM HELOISE. Good lord.

The perky, cheerleader admonishment of “YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me.” just fuckin floors me. Yay! Go team.

Next week, Marie Claire is going to tell us:

How can we get a handle on Global Warming? We’re happy to give scientists some tips and suggestions – like take some temperature measurements, maybe a whole bunch, for, like a year or MORE (go team) and then we’ll draw a graph (maybe on some pink poster board, with glitter paint), and we’ll see if it looks scary or something. But remember, if global warming pushes autumn later, you’ll get to wear white shoes longer. Yay. (go team). Anyway, Mr. Scientist, long story short, carbon dioxide is like a big ole gorgeous cashmere sweater from Saks fifth Ave and it just keeps all that nasty ole heat in.

Gah.

[As an aside, it isn’t very PC, but I remember seeing a poster for sale at the beginning of semester that featured a Dick and Jane stylized vignette of two girls and a lad puffing on a big ol’ spliff. The caption read, “Johnny likes the skinny girls, but he’ll always go for a fatty.” Hah! High-larious. I wanted to illustrate this entry with that poster, so I did a google image search for it, using various combinations of ‘skinny’ and ‘fatty’ and other words from the caption. Obviously, I didn’t find the image, but when I made one last attempt by turning off safe search…GAH! Please burn my eyes out. I needed to take a shower. The things people take pictures of. [shiver]. And how google finds images that having nothing, NOTHING, to do with skinny or fat….I need lots of post traumatic counseling. Now.]

Some Pithy Observations

[Okay, okay, “pithy” is such a smug, self satisfied label, and your mileage will vary. But they’re “observations,” and I feel smug saying them, and what’s a blog fer anyway if you can’t spout off.]

1) I like the idea of slivered almonds, sprinkled over a “gourmet” whatsis, but they generate zero flavor enhancement and are so bland, one might as well sprinkle plain boiled rice over whatsis.

2) Panera Bread is the Kirklands Home Furnishings of restaurants. When I go in there, it is so color-coordinated in warm, autumnal colors and everything is so “hyphen spice,” that I feel the testosterone just sucked, SUCKED, right out of me. Shiver.

3) I had a really good one. The pithiest observation yet. I said, “self, you gotta remember this one fer the blog,” but alas, it evaporated. Dang. You woulda loved it.

[Update. The next day.] I remember the third pithy comment. Yay.  In the same way we haughtily look back a hundred years at pioneers and miners being poisoned by the lead welding of their canned food, I wonder if our descendants will laugh at us, because every new shop, every new strip mall is paved in new carpeting emitting volatile compounds that are slowly poisoning us to death. “They just didn’t realize did they? Silly ancestors.”

Okay, okay, after the build up from yesterday that is pretty anticlimactic.

4) In the 1950s and 1960s, sitcoms are dominated by families and their silly foibles (especially the dad). We think we’re better. 30 years from now, we’ll say, “Geez, the 90s and aughties are dominated by attractive 20 somethings all having clumsy sex and trying to hook up every day of the week. And they’re all white. They had a black president, but season after season we get white people white people white people trying to hook up, and when they fail they commiserate with the token minority (who is wise, and never clumsy).” But I’m not worried about the diversity on sitcoms, just dissappointed. What worries me is the lack of any mission beyond coupling. What about a sitcom in pursuit of a music contract or a scientific breakthrough or a mission to Africa?

The Oligarchy Blues

Sitting in the doctor’s waiting room reading a Time Magazine. Skimming thru an article about Meg Whitman who is currently running for governor of California. She has a war chest of 145 million dollars – 120mil is her own. I’m not gonna say, “What are we becoming in this country?!” because, for all I know, it’s always been this way (e.g. the quasi royalty of the Kennedys). But I am just sad at the fact that politics seems so off limits to reg’lar folk. We have ample representation from rich people (and lawyers (or both)) in Washington, but how many grocery store managers? How many auto mechanics? Dressmakers? Department secretaries? Flight attendants? Software engineers?

Momma always said, “Oligarchy is as oligarchy does.”